dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
