if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
