Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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