He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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