HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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