im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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