Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
