If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
dude. I can hear the air.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
