Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize