i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You ruined the universe
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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