And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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