i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Randomize
