A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
