This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
