Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
