Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Randomize
