Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
