The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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