OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
