dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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