I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
