they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
