Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
