You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
