She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
