theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize