Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
