is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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