Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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