The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
