He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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