There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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