i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
