Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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