Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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