my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
