i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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