the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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