Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
