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I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize