I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
