guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
