I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
