So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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