tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
