JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
