when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Congratulations! We have a period
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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