dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
