i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I believe in your delicious
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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