I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
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