Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
