What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
