Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
