He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
