woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
