talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i think my mom watched the whole time
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
