I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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