its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
