and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
