We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
