his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
