i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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