saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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