youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize