My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
