If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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