so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize