i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
