idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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