saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
