How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
