it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
