We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
