i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
