I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i came on her dog
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
