Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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