you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
