he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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