after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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