woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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